you worth it

every time we met it felt like the last time.. and its getting stronger the feeling of separation

day by day people come n go sometimes we gotta learn to see who stay for us and be grateful < 3 

you left somebody behind too. its a part of life we can never avoid. being alone is so cool but when someone who's closed to perfect appears and showers you with love and care, that's what a loner had been waited for.

love is so powerful that it makes people cry and smile in seconds. it motivates even lazy ppl to get up for it. it inspired people it changed people and it made people a better ones knowing that they need to stay together with and take care of someone else. it gives people a life, a completed life people have been fighting for, have been eyeing for their future. what's happier than having people you loved around you everyday and making fun of each other, making noises and laughters together and having dinner together?

and there will be someday, someone will make you feel like home.
 


good luck x

To May 2016

Gone through whats written in the post from Its the soul that needs the surgery - pretty hurts by beyonce at college.

I had that written in May 2014. For some reasons, I was reading them old posts words by words and i guess its time to give myself an answer in return to the letter. Except sister has started her cooking class here, the rest of it did not happen i guess.. im graduating in half year time its the happiest thing ever i think i hate school. I study for the sake to get self satisfaction not for the sake to get a cert lol im serious..

and I wasn't in a relationship in 2014 May but yes im now in and its gonna the 'trendy' ldr soon.... that kind of love that brings strong mental and heart connection but not the physical that kind ....

- - - counting down 38 days - - -

[ To May 2016 ]

Graduated after 5 months. Thinking about new room design for the coziest! Came back from aus to visit the boyfriend. Going for work every weekdays and helping out the house as usual. Hearts got fonder and grown up a lil bit bcs im alone now. We gotta wish for the best for our loved one. Doing the right things last. I want us to last. Feeling grateful for such a keeper never stops putting effort to let me know that he needs ..to feed me... hmm and yes, still, I send the family cakes constantly-- to see them all fine.

Started seeing them old friends too,, had some great time and hitting gym has become a big part of my daily routine. Feeling a lil surprised to have stuck with this lifestyle. It's healthy, u know, really... Body, health, soul and mind must be taken care wisely.. for a compassionate life and to reach equanimity. There's a lot more to learn.

Faith x trust + determination

tolerance

Had a sensitive talk with sister during a night drive..

She brought up the word 'tolerance' that i was undeniably threatened by it. I believed most of the unhappiness I ever felt might simply be caused by the fact that i had almost zero knowledge about 'tolerance'.

I took it as the way of my life.  I never felt wrong at all cz they satisfied me most of the time. Things that ever required 'tolerating' will immediately be eliminated.

Now Im feeling sorry because I had never learnt tolerating. I just took up the lesson half an hour ago. Give me some time to practise. I didnt know people could tolerate to smooth things up. Bitter-smiling while writing.. what have i been doing all my life??

After 21 years finally someone who's so much younger than me taught me such lesson called 'tolerance'.

I guess there's still a lot more to catch up with honest people who are willing to educate me more. The real education is priceless. I gotta work things out.

it goes on

i never wanted to hide myself or tried to stay fine for the sake of my ego

im simply not good at talking things out 

i feel things and feelings arent made of words they are invisible, fragile and fade.

how do i tell you all about it

is it virgo or is it some of you get emotional, lost and jump yourself into an extremely worse conclusion sometimes? I did it all the time but lately i started to realise it I wish I controlled it but I didnt. I still acted the same. Thousands thoughts still came across my mind after someone did something 'not as good as i assumed' to me or the attitude of a stranger. It got me so tired. The battle of 'be kind' vs 'fuck it' fights every single day; morning until night; whatever situation it is. Maybe i should see the doctor or i simply need a lover. Someone told me if you pass it through all, its gonna be forever, dont give up. But baby it hurts so bad. One more barrier is here, coming near to my face, the emptiness got a little stronger, soul aches a little bit more every time my mind counts it down uncontrollably. Baby, it hurts so much. I might act weird, I might do crazy things, I might leave all because I want to look ok. Baby it hurts. 

turn your fear into energy

x 

AYJL 19th

The night before..

Lights off. He watched me sang birthday song for him. 

Bae, your eyes were talking I can never forget.

He brought me to try out farquhar. We had it with tea because i promised the parents to watch him not to drink and drive. The opera was said served with macaron but it was pretty intimidating (spot the green thing? yup.) I had cod fish and i love the soba and carrot orange soup blaa 

He let me sneaked into his place at 12 the night before.

Were talking on the phone and I made him opened the windows and he came down we were pretty awkward.

kisses on forehead and tight hugs started then.. 

x

&

Andrew Yap, may things all go in your favor starting now and your wish that the gf starts cooking works. We are gonna be fit (you fat), related, connected, love bendi and looked alike always.