Monochronic

I’d be lying if I said it didnt kind of break my heart that I never got to tell you how much I loved you. 

It has taken too much strength to walk in the opposite direction of you. Not only you could make my anxiety go away, also you built a beautiful castle I desired.

There’s a terrible distance between us.

It was an enchanting collision after all. We will not meet at the right time and dimension.

It has always been a sense that we would be together at those moments you looked at me in certain way. 

We spoke about how lovers kept finding each others and I believed I have gone through your heart and you have broken into mine. I think you were always meant to know me a little better than anyone else. I can't afford to love someone who I can never kiss on the street. I stayed away from every resistance telling me I’m not allowed to love. 

I stopped having faith in many things then you appeared to sprinkle hopes around me.   

My strong monochronic time sense differed us. 

After all, you are my greatest blessing and the sweetest tragedy ever happened to me. 

I believe a part of me will always be a little in love with you.
x

A part of growing up

Sadly, often the hardest thing to do is the same as the right thing to do

How rational your conscience is to take up the right path without regarding the rest of the noise surrounding you?

I have never made a decision out of total assurance or complete intention (complete loser), maybe one or two

It has always been out of a sense of fear or guilt

To get over this situation and be more firm about every decision you're going to make, accept that your change will make them feel the subtle difference and they will not be happy

It is good to please everyone but it is more important to get your own shit together to please yourself first 

You can only be completely contended and satisfied with everything when you are feeling all right with yourself 

It's gonna take time and sacrifices to get through this process 

At the end of the day, the pain of holding on is worse than the pain of letting go

People simply have to accept how life work and be ahead of it.

When I was seventeen

I rmb reading a book called Thirteenth Summer back in high school
My best friend gave it to me one day while we were on our ride to school
I started loving the smell of a new book ever since then

High school was the greatest time of my life until this moment (wishing for the best is yet to come)
I was cool enough and lucky to hang around only with a few friends but to me, they were the best, or I called whatever's mine the best?
Nothing much impressive despite constantly strolling around to look for cute guys and doing the best in exams to stay cool

Graduation day has finally arrived I did not shed a tear bcs we gotta stay cool
I rmb 2 things about that day.
First, a girl name Jessica, a junior girl who had been after a cute guy who will be graduating on that day. The guy had never glanced at her at all bcs she was the typical chubby girl people had been calling and people laughed at her and belittled her all the time in chasing for a guy.
I was watching her from a distance, she was crying so badly looking at the direction where the guy sitting in the hall. I can't deny my heart was in pain and my tears were rolling.. Maybe she will be the only one who loves him the best all his life but at that point of life, timing can never fit in right

The second thing was a hand-drawing by someone I supposed I knew
I got it in an envelope on my desk when i got back to class after the graduation ceremony
I hid in my room for the whole day, did not have dinner nothing
Thinking about not seeing you again after that
The fear started to overwhelm me and I can't stop crying the whole time

I had not felt that pain after that day
I guess that was what we called youth
or love?
Thank you for coming into my life, even just for a while.
We will be all right, now and always.

star dust

from here, i can see the different colored roofs
from here, i can hear different voices telling different stories
from here, i can see you working hard for the future
from here, i can see you thinking of me
from here, everything seems like tales

Now, I'm here because i can't own you there.
Sometimes i wondered if i could still meet someone like you
They thought they cut off my dreams, they instead made me hold on so much tighter than ever
If dreams were so perfect that they never will turn real, let me stay in those dreams.
Those are my happiness.

My Valentine

 I will always ask him out for a meal soon before he was about to leave for his studies. We had a 5-course-dinner at macalister mansion this time and it was fine. He's back to Brisbane again today. I did not cry(in front of them). Let me hear you clap. It has been a really really difficult ones for me to have gone through the past few months without him by my side. I feel so thankful to have somebody who would accept the crazy side of me and deal with my shit. I have always been a total mess. His patience level must be Asians'. Thank you for everything. I might brag a lot but all those were hormones. Okay lets get greater, stronger and immortal together. Love ya.  

X

Everything lasts till the end

Nothing lasts forever? 
Things decompose, both living and non-.
However, more important things stay. They happen, form, create memories and sink in part of our hearts. They are discrete and incorruptible. None of them has really gone. 

Whatever happened today will turn into memories. Every day is a new opportunity to live, love and make return to your loved ones. Appreciation, compassion, filial piety and gentlemanliness are underrated. Regrets are more than gratitudes. 

How do we fix this?