xmas vibes

there was this waitress approached to serve us molten chocolate cake aka lava cake ...thats why pfft

two-in-one-reindeer // no big deal

newspaper-wrapped-up-present was the key

"..dont get number 12.. just dont"

long time no fie! more to come ~*

everyone was still trying hard not to get present number 12...

bomb! need i say more?

can u ask him where did we have our xmas dinner???? 

----

..still love you ^^ 

watched them people counting down from the yacht of the birthday boy while we were counting down for xmas plus xx's b'day :')) appreciated the night < 3 

It was a pretty different kind of xmas this year, 2014. =) feeling thankful for having them people all year long and i wanna say i am lucky to have them. May your following days be filled with joys and laughters (like every time we met) heheh gotta admit that i only laugh till my tummy aches when they do shits all around. What i learnt for 2014: dont let good people slip out of your hand okayyy? okay.

and to you, 

all the way, mine,

the rest dont matter ok.

happy new year xo

frozen desire

 

what now

dont tell me how smart you are in betraying your girlfriend or how superficial your relationship is 

dont tell me what you got from that guy or how much that leather is

when 

we cant even give back to our parents yet

we cant even be the best version of ourselves to treat the world equally

such piece of shit i am 

then he brought out the best of me

becuz

he gave me all his time.

&

-  -  e  f  f  o  r  t  -  - 

Dark Paradise

 Instead of getting that pile of stupid assignments done, I decided to turn up with my laptop. Gone through another week with another separation. The greatest pain comes from leaving. I can feel that kind of pain tears us apart but i know we can never avoid the suffering of leaving, is that what we called great suffering? we will then experience the joy of loving when we got to spend time together. Letting go is not my thing; instead of missing the old, happier memories will take place, they remind me those risk of loving worth taking.

Dressed up to ride for you boy, my days come alive for you;

You push it to the limit we just dont care, that burning desire aint gonna stop.

x

Buddies

Some people are not deceived. True value barely exists today. Im glad to have met them before things got packaged up with titles, logos and stereotyping. We tagged along with each other all day long, school, after school, football session at dawn was our daily routine. No calls needed. We came along and made it happen. There were times that i blamed during the downhill in life cz things might be the same still, then, i realised people drift apart from time to time. Bear with the changes you dont wanna accept, things will always be changing. The main thing is you, yourself is not the one u used to be anymore, remember?

Love them forever. They built you up so fine. God blessed.

Growing up, growing fast, im afraid.

Baby dont cry 

X

They lie, they lie

Why do you want to be perfect

By the time you are perfect will be the time you feel you aren't
"why do you wanna be a perfectionist I'd rather you be a happist." said by the only recognized poet of my life.
Bro is 'happist' even exist?

Staying away from people for quite some times, been staying connected to myself

Oh, then finally cried, for a someone cut my heart with his tongue.
Negative vibes hurt, good words lie either.
The sweeter they are, the sooner i leave.

Actions? Hearts? Wrong generation chris.

After all,

they lie. THEY ALL LIE

X

True Love

What is true love? A sister that never ever punched you back even after 17 years of physically bullying by you. She fixed your air cond / tv / remote control / pens almost every disaster you were in she has always got the potential to pull you back and fix things back. < 3 

I, yes, definitely am, a goddamn queen of disaster. I'm sorry in advance for everything, everyone that i'll be creating troubles to, trust me, dont come near me, I cant help myself.

rotate clockwise:

Sis and I waiting for 3883 to come with llama.

Pizza and I chilling at borabora ~

Out of focus B we were studying at cbtl before finals and we made friends with the family next table all bcs of B tried to fix their kid's pencil ..told ya!

Akido had a fair at esplanade in conjunction with taiwan bla venture and we went to help out i swear it was such an unexpected crowd and many loved ones came to visit < 33 love love love love you all!

xo

"Find the fundamental things that happiness bring in you."

Angel's issue

Forgive stupid Brown angels < 3 

xx

My way to create the lovely ambience and evokes happiness ~*

#spreadsomelove

Sem break is here people! We did put effort this time but there's always space for improvement =)

Been spending time with them people all the time fighting for finals. The joy after stress is exactly rainbow after the rain. This is so much challenging i prefer this one hehe.

--------

"Don't worry, they all love us."

Wake me up when september ends

   

Im the person who lasts but funny thing is they all left me. I feel wasted for you. 

That makes me love myself even more now and i found it quite difficult to love anybody else when you started loving yourself more and more. I have issues I never blame. Daddy said you will end up with someone nobody has ever expected. My daddy never went wrong because we have already done the biggest mistake in life.

 There's nothing else to lose.

x

So close to family

Despite everything, I still believe people are good at heart because of their existences in my life.
/ XX

Its the soul that needs the surgery - pretty hurts by beyonce

[ To: 2015 May 27 ]

Lucky me, having a hard working sister that indirectly pushed me closer to the life i have always wanted to try on for the past 2 years. Sister and I have moved out from home, living at the island. To stop wasting time traveling to college; to move out from home, major factor.

Sleeping together has always been our thing since forever although we have our rooms perspectively, we moved to the guest room together, opened up the mattresses, instead of sleeping on the proper bed, we preferred those mattresses on the floor. Single bed is cozy. Small room, dull lightnings, a study desk which only adequate for some books and a laptop is definitely enough. Time flies, im graduating in a year time. Im going to continue my degree here since I wanna be with my sister and im going to study aboard for the final year. Sister will be coming with me for her degree. Not a bad thing after all, was feeling kinda wasted for the 2 years i spent in kl after high school. It was a pretty adventurous place thou. You gotta walk through it, you, yourself that earned that experience. Learnt a lot. Changed a lot. 

Been staying connected to myself for the second year already. Nothing bad about it. 

Thank you sister, B. 

Loves. 

Jillian Azelyna, Hanni Teniadi, Christine Macarons, Ernest Zacharevic

Jill & Honey, they were both my housemates back in days when i was in kl. A free hotel room that has driven them down to Penang for a getaway plus To Visit Me arent you? ^^

Couldn't even remember how many times have I been bringing my people around this Penang island   < 3 Such a lovely place I live in isnt it? 

xo

Story of my life

You see me now, sometimes you dont. :P

Dramatic life. Despite everything, If I could stay alive on earth till 68 years old, i'll have 48 years left. So its more like a 2 times of repeating this 20 years i've been living. Where the hell have i been to this 20 years? Ahha I have been to more isolated islands and nothing else. . . . Sometimes I feel so scared that how if our souls still feel things and things are still there only that the body is dead hmm 

I think a lot. I dream a lot. 

Was taught to define 'myself' from the book i recently read and things that i knew about myself have been changing or its just my perspective that keeps changing every single day. I dont agree with things I do too. I felt this most of the time but now Im more like a wandering Chris, wanders everywhere, everyday, Im stuck in our dreams.

It was this dream that ..i tweeted them.

Count your blessings.

Count things that have put a smile on your face today. 

^^

Loves n hugs 

x

Queen of Disaster

Current favourites :

1. Queen of Disaster

2. Yayo

3. Damn you

4. Dark paradise

5. Chelsea hotel no 2 

After arctic monkeys, my hype to Lana is back. Definitely my cup of queen. Bambi eyes. Hairgasm. Super long nails, red lips and her voice. Feeling gangsta every time i see ya

xx

Sorrow

The indian uncle blocked my car, walked towards me in a sense that he would have killed me. He opened up my door and scolded me some vulgarities and a lot more of excuses which indicate that i might have killed him and his mother driven by him in the car due to my carelessness while driving. In my deep heart core, I wanna say sorry. I apologized but I know I wasnt sincere at all I was just afraid of a huge guy who had guts to block my way and any other road users' way, caused the traffic to turn heavy due to his own business. He was just to throw his anger to me, it might be really a small portion of the reason that he cares about his mom but that was not the right way. I dont feel sorry anymore because of your attitude. Violence. Who are the people who can feel absolutely cool at all when people throw you shit. I do really wish I was and am as fine as I looked like. It hurts so bad. Met so many unpleasant cases since the beginning of the year. What is going on with me. Apart from that, I tap on his name on my phone I wanted to call him and tell him whats wrong and I needed help. I need a shoulder I want a hug. Im just a girl how strong do you expect me to be? How hard for a girl to stay faithful, take care of herself, keep on waiting, do every single thing to make sure she is independent enough and to get you back? We said we will get married, we said we will start our own family. That could be us but you dont love me. I was the one you needed but now you're gone, im done.

you: "call me when you have any emergency or anything"

you: "why would you call me for such a small case.. *call ended*"

you: dont find me anymore"

Now we dont talk anymore we are not friends we cant even be strangers to each others, we can only be invisible. So right now, all i can say is goodbye.

Cest la vie!

=)

You are the reason

Stop puttin on 'social' make ups makes me slightly not feeling cool with it. Low confidence. What to do. This is me photobombed by Doug, my relative from hongkong. :) Had a week of fun time with him and the rest of the relatives. Only special occasions unite us or we will only be seeing each other once a year or no. Cycling around the island was fun but let it snow babeh it would be the best..

Doug.
He is 30 and he doenst understand why malaysians (chinese) get married so early. Answer him for me cz im rage im a hashtag foreveralone people.

I feel grateful having a bunch of awesome cousin. I like all of them I wanna be like them most of them are all well-behaved and follow what their parents say so they never walk the 'blind' paths.. and Im the only one prefers the 'adventurous' path that I hate myself so much.. I fell so many times and this path hurts.. so much

Ah B slash burrito slash da fei.
Haven't really been watching you growing up that time except cari gaduh with you but you're the best partner of all time for me now and then. Luckily i got you. Thats all i can say. Thank you for every single troll and joke i love all of them. #justsayingcozminemorekeat

Diet.

My face got so puffy these days and Im so sad so sadddd...... I started to starve myself and I cant fall asleep due to hunger T____T I should go jogging cardio cardio cardio kkkkk I go now bye

Walking in loubs

We dont hold on things that hurt us, we feel pain aren't we?
I do wish this is a tangible item I could just leave it and there will be pain no more.
But girls, are designer heels hurt?
Tell me how comfortable you are walking in them. I have no clues.

Keeping them as a part of the collection ya?
Walking in them everyday no?

This makes sense to me.

Greedy human beings

When people is dead, you want him alive and nothing else.
When people is alive now, you want him to be yours.
When he is yours,
you want him to be all good to you,
you want him to be all faithful to you,
you want him to make you feel secured,
you want him to love you beyond universe,
you want him not to hurt you at all when all those hurts might actually come from your own overthinking and guessing.
Now you have got your perfect man that is 100% rated 5 stars from people around you and guess what ..you're into somebody else already or he has another love affair already and it comes to a 'broken hearted' you or him. Then it comes to the end of the story.

Reasons for me to be alone all this time and even afraid to be close to anybody else because people just cant get enough.

If everyone be like 'this is our first date..' every time they meet, bringing that passion to every single time they meet, i swear there will be no heart broken stories, there will either be 'im so into him or her' or 'no more next time and be gone' instead of waiting, crying, heart breaking, apologising etc etc etc whatever

How many of them are actually suffering for this suffocating love life?
How many left that are happily being with their partners, i wanna say i'll learn from you guys and congratulation.

How many of them still cry to sleep or suffer from insomnia every single night, afraid to text him or her due to 'ego' issue, 'fear' issue, 'better dont disturb him or her' issue? Stop that because you have a lot to do with your life, to be a better you, think of your family first, that bunch of friends and go traveling.
The right one will come at the right time babe just stop chasing, if they care, they will chase after you and not giving up.
Love yourself.

Sincerely, me.

Forgetful

Sometimes you try your hardest, but things dont work out the way you want them to.

OR

Sometimes you try your hardest, but things dont work out the way you want them to, then try harder.

I once sent this to one my old friend and he replied the second statement. I thought for a while and i was initially disagreed with him but then i think again, i wouldnt say i nod but point of view thing.

Came out with the idea of forgetful because it has been a long forgetful life 

I've been living as a forgetful person for 20 years and recently only i learnt to appreciate and always bear in mind about all the goodness in people, in everything. 

You might forget to bring something small to school today but I forgot that Im not his girlfriend anymore today

I forgot we are not friends anymore not even necessary to say hi

I forgot how a love relationship works that as a girl dont approach guys with girlfriends cz Im not feeling comfortable if i were that girl

I forgot that I was under disguise as a cheerful girl till i treated someone emotionally today only I realised thats the real me but how could people live if we are all showing our real feelings when the world needs no negativity no more

I forgot we should put family first they are the only one stand with you forever

I forgot love was once nonsense to me and now im letting it occupies me every single part of me

I forgot to love myself and whoever deserves it and I forgot I've been doing a same mistake over and over again

I forgot who am I today.

Valentines Day ♡

Thought i'd be the coolest for valentines day but ended up i wasnt feeling good at all.

Spotted many girls in college dressing up so pretty putting on the best makeups ever for the jam-to-dinner-date right after class. Honestly i was so jealous but i could actually join that group of single classmates to have korean cuisine yet i headed home and had thai food with family. When you started to feel better spending time with your family than your friends, what is this? 

Anti-social // stay-home-for-the-best-comfort-zone has turned me into someone better-to-be-alone than with anyone else. Is it that good to be alone or i simply suffer from the phobia due to the pain they left since then? 

Despite all that, i got flowers too and words cant describe how blessed i am. Thank you so much and also the watch. :) 

I should feel grateful about everything i have, stop that over-exaggerated depression that social media has been spreading it everywhere everyday. 

I wish everyone of you out there had the bestest valentines day yesterday. 

Stay with the one you love always, dont leave her. 

x